Cargument
by sockie1000
Summary: Everyone knows what a cargument is.  Well, everyone except for Steve.  And poor Danny gets to explain it to him.


Title: Cargument

Author: sockie1000

Summary: Everyone knows what a cargument is. Well, everyone except for Steve. And poor Danny gets to explain it to him.

Disclaimer: Yeah, right. As if.

Author's notes: I wrote this story last spring and it waited patiently on my hard drive for months while "Enemies" took over my computer and my mind. But once I got both of them back, I dusted this puppy off and finished it. And it is very happy to finally see the sunshine.

This story takes place in early April, a few days after "Control Issues." It is not a true sequel, more of a companion piece, and it should make sense even if you haven't read "Control Issues." But if you want to know why Danny is driving the Camaro, or picking the music, check it out. Otherwise, enjoy. :)

And, as always, thanks to Cokie316 and Rogue Tomato for the beta. And for thinking I am funnier than I really am.

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"You drive like a grandma, you know," Steve said, looking at Danny from the passenger side of the Camaro.

"I do not drive like a grandma," Danny scowled, keeping his eyes on the road.

"Yes, you do. You slow down for yellow lights. Nobody under the age of 80 slows down for yellow lights, except for you."

"Well, all responsible drivers slow down for yellow lights. And, of course, you would not know that, since your driving is anything but responsible."

"I drive responsibly," Steve frowned.

"You drive like a bat out of hell with a death wish," Danny corrected, as he slowed down for another light.

"Auuuggh! Not again!" Steve complained, throwing his hands up in the air. "You're killing me, man."

"Could we please just stop talking?" Danny said, looking out the driver's side window.

"Why?" Steve asked.

"Because I really don't want to get into a cargument with you."

Steve looked confused. "What's a cargument?"

"You know," Danny said, glancing over at Steve, "an argument in the car. A car argument. A cargument."

Steve looked over at him with a look Danny would call a 'classic aneurysm face'. "Did you just make that up?" he asked.

Danny furrowed his brow. "No, I did not just make that up. People say cargument."

"Which people? I've never met anyone who says cargument."

"Well, evidently you do not know a lot of people. Because people say it all the time. It's like Brangelina."

"What is a Brangelina?"

Danny looked at Steve incredulously. "Not _what_ is a Brangelina, _who_ is Brangelina. You know, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Brad and Angelina. Brangelina."

Steve shook his head. "That's absurd. I've never heard of Brangelina, either."

"Where have you been living? Under a rock? Everyone says Brangelina. They even say it on the cover of magazines."

"Not on any magazines I read," Steve scoffed, looking out the window.

"Well, you're right," Danny conceded with a nod. "It's probably not on the cover of Guns and Ammo. Or Soldier of Fortune, either, for that matter. But it is on the cover of People magazine."

Steve rolled his eyes and snorted. "Like People magazine is the Webster's dictionary."

Danny shrugged. "Maybe not, but it's common these days. Everyone takes the beginning of one word and the end of another one and smushes them together to form a new word. That's how language evolves. How did you not know that?"

"I'm sorry," Steve replied, sarcastically, "I must have missed that because I was too busy learning Mandarin."

"Yes, yes of course you were," Danny smirked. "But you can't deny you talk in weird shorthand, too, with all of your 'AOs' and 'the Stan' and 'the Company'."

Steve nodded. "Well, those words make sense."

Danny laughed. "How on earth do those words make sense?"

"Well, sometimes you have to speak in shorthand or code, for safety or national security purposes." Steve answered, simply.

Danny raised his eyebrows as the light turned green and he began accelerating. "National security purposes?"

Steve nodded. "Yes, national security purposes."

Danny pursed his lips. "Yes, I can see how saying 'Afghanistan' instead of 'the Stan' could compromise national security. Because if you said 'Afghanistan', I_ might_ be aware there is a war going on there. But when you say 'the Stan', I'm completely clueless about the thousands of troops that have been over there for years. You know, maybe I should alert the media. They might want to send some reporters over there to check things out."

Steve frowned. "It's still different," he mumbled. "And there are other words besides 'the Stan'. You just picked the most obvious one."

"You're right." Danny nodded. "Because nobody outside of the military has ever heard of 'SNAFU' or 'FUBAR'."

Steve pursed his lips and looked out the side window. "You only know those because of Google," he muttered.

Danny laughed again. "A few months ago, you didn't think I knew how to use the internet. But now you'd rather think I hit up Google for military acronyms in my non-existent free time than admit that maybe your made-up words are just as goofy as cargument or Brangelina?"

"They're not goofy."

"Whatever you say," Danny said, dismissively.

"And I still think you're making up cargument," Steve said, turning to look at Danny. "You're probably trying to get back at me for playing that April fool's joke on you. Wasn't letting you drive the car for a week punishment enough?"

"That's not called punishment, that's called self-improvement," Danny corrected, tersely.

"That's called torture. Especially with you playing that 'Dead or Alive' song 18 million times a day."

"And here I thought you'd like that," Danny replied, clearly irritated. "Isn't that your theme song for life?"

"It is now," Steve snorted. "Because I'd rather be dead than have to listen to that song one more time."

"I can help you with that, you know." Danny tapped his holstered Heckler and Koch. "I've got my gun, right here, ready to go. Just say the word."

"No need to use the gun." Steve held up his hands in mock surrender, then pointed to the CD player. "Just cue up 'Living on a Prayer' again. That ought to do it."

"You have absolutely no taste in music," Danny growled. "'Living on a Prayer' is way better than that horrible 'Sexy Eyes' song."

"And yet, which one do they play on the radio?" Steve asked.

"You know what? I'm done talking to you," Danny huffed as he pulled into the parking lot outside the Five-0 headquarters. He parked and immediately got out of the car, slamming the door behind him. He stormed off, headed inside, and didn't even acknowledge Chin, who had just pulled up on his motorcycle and parked next to the Camaro.

"Is everything ok?" Chin asked, as Steve exited the passenger side of the car.

"Yeah," Steve replied. "Danny's just mad."

"Did you guys get in a fight?" Chin asked, knowingly.

"Well, you know how it is," Steve said with a shrug. He watched as Danny opened the door to the building and then slammed it behind him. Then Steve looked at Chin and grinned, slyly. "Another day, another cargument."

_Fin_

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